Topic: Web Insanity
Good morning! There's frost on the lawn this morning and my marigolds all look a little frostbitten. It feels like October this morning. Only a few more days to my birthday. I think I'll make a gluten free chocolate cake for myself, or maybe a boston creme pie, which isn't a pie at all but a yummy cake with chocolate and rich sweet pastry creme. It's easy to make a gluten free boston creme pie. maybe i will make both!

I remember that for years i couldn't eat desserts because they would make me feel nauseated and give me an upset stomach for days. I used to think it was the acid in fruits that did it, now I think it wasn't the fruit at all, I think maybe it was a distant early warning sign that was misread.

I know I was going to make fun of some people who believe that UFO's are coming to earth on October 14, 2008. Some internet psychic named blossomstarchild or moonchild or whatever was channelling (not the kind that involves the television remote control) and picked up a message from aliens that they are arriving on the 14th in the UFO, they plan on hovering around for a few days so everyone can see them and -ergo -believe in them and then they will come out and solve the world's problems and we can take our place with all the other luminous beings of the universe.

Normally this would be ignored. But because there's a bit of turmoil in the world, the same kind of turmoil one would have found in October 1929, and there's is a bit of general tension among most people over what's going to happen next, people are looking for guidance. Since no one wants to hear that they should sell their McMansions, stop spending more than they earn, put away the credit cards, live within your means, and some thrift and belt tightening might be required for a few years, --That sounds like work doesn't it? That sounds like sacrifices might need to be made, doesn't it? That's not what many people want to hear, is it? They want the easy way out, so they latch onto a hope that can never be fulfilled. But it's such a nice hope, a world where everyone can have everything and they don't need money...just bliss and light and happiness...yadda yadda yadda.

Here's the original page with The Message: http://www.blossomgoodchild.com/index.html?page=BGoct14_page4.html and for more crazy because this one has comments: http://www.realufos.net/2008/09/october-14-2008-ufo-message-update.html and remember, these are the good aliens, not the bad ones who use anal probes, and they are going to solve all the worlds problems and lead us into a new golden age...I was going to laugh at these people but with the way the world is going, into a deep depression, then I kind of understand where these loonies are coming from. To be sure, this is an artificial hope, one that will never ever happen, but these predictions offer hope to those who -for whatever reason -have no hope. The ones who walk past "foreclosed" signs on the homes they used to live in. Or the ones who have everything, the car the house, the status symbols and have discovered that they are all empty and meaningless. I can see why this prediction, that would otherwise be ignored and poo-poo'ed is getting such a reaction. That we need superhuman aliens to solve the mess we got ourselves into isn't really funny as much as it's sad. It's a statement about our world and the times. People don't want to hear "stop buying on credit, don't spend more than you earn, and take responsibility for yourself" They want miracle fixes from aliens because that takes far less work and less effort.

So instead I'll make fun of this page here, one that calls itself the opening page of the internet. It scrolls on forever, and it's filled with marquee text, websafe colours and circa 1995 html. http://www.openingpage.com/ It's apparently the most valuable page on the internet, and the owner takes great pains to tell you in a dizzy array of fonts, font sizes and font colours to tell you this. It includes (if you scroll down far enough) information of free electricity for life, and includes this amazing statement/threat, spieled thus: "If you scroll below it is strickly at your own risk you could fall into a bottomless pit" There are a few hidden links to more madness about how children remember being born, the dangers of caffeine, free electricity, how to become rich and something about google and yahoo are evil twins and of course, a page about October 14, 2008. If you scroll down to the very bottom of the page, there is a pay off of sorts, a photo of three nekkid chicks.

And I can make fun of an awful on-line dress store, Yvette's. http://yvettesbridalformal.com/index.htm It's like someone vomited their pantone colour markers all over the mostly black background, the dominant colours being purple, green and yellow. There's a creepy javascript box that skulks around the page, And some of the underlined text goes to different pages, while some doesn't. There are pages with odd art, pointless poetry, and something that make no sense whatsoever. There's a page called the portal/alternate perceptions where all the real loony stuff is. which if you follow the "fastlings" link goes to another page that talks about alien sentient plant life here on earth. Here's a typical page: http://yvettesbridalformal.com/saliens1.html I will give props to blossomflowergirl, while her site made my bran cramp, this stuff makes both my eyes and my brain bleed.

And I found this by clicking a link contained in a "should I buy this dress" question.

So tell me, do you have the balls to visit this next site? http://www.ballcup.com/home.html It's all about a cooking contest where the main ingredient is ...um...well...testicles! it includes some prize winning recipes for your enjoyment, provided you have an extra dozen kangaroo balls bouncing around. Get it? that was the humour folks, laugh now while you have a chance.

Okay, how about juggling balls, bright colourful balls like the ones clowns juggle? Cool! then visit the naked clown calender home page for your chance to see clowns get nekkid for charity! http://nakedclowncalendar.com/bio.html

Bacon, is there anything it can't do? It's been made into little bacon cups, bacon tiaras, it's an internet meme, and now it has it's very own page so you keep up to date with everyone's favourite meme: http://bacontoday.com/ it even has bacon recipes including the one everyone has been waiting for BACON BROWNIES! YUMMY! http://bacontoday.com/bacon-brownies/ Their philosophy is simple: Life is good, bacon is better! Take that! aliens, we have bacon, we don't need you eternal luminous secrets!

And if you do need a little spiritual fulfilment rather than looking to aliens, may I suggest the Holy Church of Bacon? http://worshipbacon.com/wiki/Main_Page It has everything the modern bacon worshipper needs, such as recipes, a code to follow, and how to apply baconism to your everyday life. I think I will apply some bacon to my everyday life through a sandwich, or possibly crumpled onto a salad. that way I can eat leafy greens like spinach and still get my bacon!

For some reason all this bacon talk makes me think about suntans, specifically bad tans. Why do i mention this? Because there's a blog filled with pictures of bad suntans: http://www.asylum.co.uk/gallery/worst-tans-ever/944546/ It includes ballcap tans, bikini string tans, oops I couldn't reach the center of my back tans and a few examples of tanorexia, where someone has gone crazy with instant bronzer lotion.

And here's something for my old buddy Dave Sim. One of Dave's most annoying habits is to use a huge word where a small word would suffice. As I have said, big words don't make big ideas. So to help my hyperlexic friend, here's a special thesaurus that takes big words and gives you a shorter word that means the same thing. http://www.ironicsans.com/thsrs/ The world needs simple easy to understand words and sentences that make sense and few long winded statements that ultimately mean nothing.

And i guess that's all for today. I'm getting all my fashion sketches together, they are an unorganized mess and it took me twenty minutes to find the picture i wanted yesterday. Later!